So, I ended up going today.
I had to lie to my roomates to where I was exactly going, due to the amount of bullshit they would have given me. I showed up at the hall, nervous, not knowing what to expect, smoking what seemed like a mile long cigarette. There was about 8 to 10 people outside, all different ages, men, women. Everyone seemed to know everyone else. I'm not really a person to go up to a someone and say hi. But, there was a guy there about my age, and smiled at me, and came over and introduced himself. It was great to kind of break the barrier. About 5 minutes after that, I walked in the doors, and sat down. The room was like the rooms where I had bible school when I was young, it brought me back. There were two speakers, one of which was the gentleman who came up to me earlier that night. Once everyone was inside, they asked if anyone was new here. I raised my hand, and he asked what my name was. I said my name, and everyone said "hi Kyle". That made it feel like I was in a place with people who had a similar problem as I do.... alcoholism. A little later that night, they handed out the coins. I received my first one.. the 24 hour coin. Then I turned around to the crowd, and said "Hi, I'm Kyle and I am an alcoholic" I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. And as cliche as it sounds, it was like a ton of weight off my shoulders. After that, we had open discussion. It was strange to hear some of the stories of the speakers, due to the fact that I could have been up there telling the same story. How they have hurt family members, friends, peers, etc. I was pretty nervous, so I didn't end up speaking. I regret it now, because I'm sure that would have helped break the ice with the others. Also, I just would like to get some things off my shoulders. Another thing I regret is not raising my hand for a sponsor. I'm uber-independent, and for some reason I think I can do this myself. Im not really sure what a sponsor does, or if I need one. Also, there was lots of talk about a big book, I think I need to find one of the books to read.
All in all, it was great to take the first step in recovery. I know I have a long, hard fought battle ahead of me, but I know that my sobriety will not only benefit me, but my family and friends also.
I'm actually looking forward to going tomorrow, and will try to be a little more open, and talk to more people.
Im actually looking forward to going tomorrow.
thanks for reading,