Yesterday was rough, the hardest time I've had so far. Everyone I know was at Adams birthday party at the local Irish bar. I needed a meeting BAD! Everyone left at about 6:00 pm yesterday, and I knew exactly what they were doing, and it was killing me. I showed up about 30 minuted early, just to get the hell out of the house. That was really good. It settled me down. The meeting was was on my favorites so far. A lot of "Seasoned veterans" were there. There was a gentleman who was celebrating 13 years. 13 years! I mean, that's impressive. Anyways, I hung out after the meeting last night due to the fact that I knew if I went home it would have been bad. Sitting outside, smoking a cig, an older gentleman by the name of John came up to me and he asked me something. He asked me if I was scared. Know what I said to him? I told him "shit yeah!" And I am, I'm scared of the unknown. He talked to me for about 20 minutes, and the other speaker came out of the hall, and we were just hanging out. A good, sober, adult conversation. Then it kind of clicked for me. These people are here for help, and I have ABSOLUTLY nothing to be scared about. The other gentleman (I forgot his name) and I were hangin out and I asked him where I could find a big book. HE looked suprised, and said something along the lines of "DON'T MOVE!". He ran to his car, and grabbed it. And then John came back up as soon as he was dropping the book off, and he smiled at me, and said, "thats your bible Kyle." I nodded me head with a face full of smile. John grabbed the book from me and wrote his number down inside the front page. He told me to call him right before I had a drink. Soon after than I left. The house was empty, so I watched a movie... that's right, I watched a movie an a friday night. LOL. And a cheesy one to boot. "Say Anything" good movie, for a chick flick, I guess. About 10 minutes after the movie ended, I hear a knock on my door. I was 2 femal friends of mine. They showed up with a 24 pack of beer, and asked if I can help Mike out of the car. He was fucking shit faced! puking all over the place. While I was dragging his ass out of the car, he looked at me with those glazed over, half shut eyes, and said to me it that high pitched voice of his "Hey Kyle... I heard your sober" and replied with a yes, and he told me "man, I'm fucking jealous" and gave me a hug. Now, I know he was drunk, but the fact that a friend of mine gave me props for being sober, meant a lot. The one friend I told that I was going to meetings, who I told to keep it a secret or (on the downlow, as us young guys call it) thought it would be great to tell the whole table, which was 15+ friends deep, that I've been going to meetings. Not very cool IMO. Anyways, to get back on track, I took my DVD player, back in my room, turned up the volume, and locked the door. A few random people would knock on my door, but I didn't answer.
Today I'm going to my dad's party in chandler, which is about 40 min. away. I havent told him yet that I stopped drinking, but I think tonight I will. All of my uncles/aunts/dad's friends all know me as the guy who will get drunk, and more than likely make an ass out myself. I asked Jhn, if it was a good idea to go to this party, and he said no. But, I think I need to test myself to make me stronger. I was able to do it last night, and if I can do it tonight, then I'm on the right path. Should I tell my dad tonight that I'm getting sober, or should I just let it go, and tell him at a more approriate time? Im leaning torwards tonight, so he or my family, won't keep asking why I'm not driniking.
God, this is a long one. Im going to a non meeting today, this will be my 4th one straight.
7 comments:
It is a great feeling waking up on Saturday and feeling wonderful. Congratulations. :)
Thanks
Be careful. You don't need to "get strong" at this point. Do whatever makes it easier to stay away from the first drink.
I hope you take that guys phone number with you.
Once I wanted to "get strong", challenge myself. I was told, in order to grow spiritually, to "pray for adversity." And so I did. And that was 1975 (one year sober, then). Well, I'm still sober, but that was the HARDEST year--drunk OR sober--I ever experienced...almost to the point of saying, "What the hell, liquor store, here I come.
Kyle, are you REALLY new at blogging and sobriety? You sound like an old pro in each instance!
You're very intelligent guy, catch on really fast--UNASKED-FOR ADVICE
Try not to "get it all" in a hurry. Get that sponsor, and humbly obey his instructions. They say these days "The Twelve Steps are only 'SUGGESTIONS'! Well, I never heard that word when I came in. The Steps were REQUIRED! Meetings were REQUIRED!
Sincerely,
Steve E.
Congratulations on your new found sobriety. Now go to the ends of the earth to keep it ;)
Listen to Alky Seltzer. He knows a thing or two.
I remember my first few Saturdays out in the world. It freaked me out that there were so many people out and about, and they seemed to know what they were doing. That was 263 Saturdays ago.
You can do it, too.
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