Today's meeting was a small one. 5 people total. It was also a little odd. The speaker played about a 20 min. audio clip to the 5 of us. The guy on the clip was an older gentleman who was obviously from the south. Personally, I didn't know what the hell he was speaking about, due to the fact that I couldn't understand his southern dddrraaaaawwwwww. SO that was pretty damn boring. But the open discussion was a lot better. I learned a lot about the 4th step and how that will be one of the hardest parts of sobreity. I still don't completley know what that means, or how to "work" that step. But Im sure the more meeting I go to, the more I Will learn. I ended up speaking tonight. I was really nervous, and didn't REALLY know what to say, so I ended up taking snip-it's of what the others have said, and morphed it into a 1 minute speech. To be honest, I started getting a little choked up. It was strange, it's like I've been wanting to tell someone about my problem for so long, and it finally came out. It felt good. After the meeting was over, I thanked the speaker and asked him where I could find the big book. He pointed me in the direction if some book store. I think Ill just read it online since I sit at my computer desk the majority of the day anyways. The meeting was over, and instead of just leaving as a light up a smoke, I hung around a few minutes. A guy who was in the meeting came up to me, introduced himself and we spoke. He spoke of his job, I spoke of mine. After that, 2 women who were at the meeting joined the conversation. It was a good feeling to be a part of something. All in all, it was a good meeting, I got to open up and actually say something.
On the downside, it seems like every time I leave a meeting, I want to drink more. Not because it's the topic of the conversation, but that I can't. Is this a normal feeling? Secondly, my hands are getting crazy shaky, and sweaty. Im guessing I'm having some withdraw symptoms.
Tomorrow is going to be a big test for me. For the past "x" amount of years, I've been doing the the same thing. Friday: get off work, buy beer, get drunk, go out, get wasted, pass out. And do the same on saturday, and sunday. I can't remember the last weekend where I didn't end up completly shit faced. My "drinking crew" is heading out for my good friends birthday party and they are all expecting me to go. I'm sure I will piss some people off by not going out. There is a meeting tomorrow night about the time they will be leaving, so I think I'll sneak out, and head to that to help rid the urges.
Ill go ahead and wrap it up, but 1 more thing to say.
Thank you all for being so damn supportive! I mean, this is only my 4th blog and I have 10 followers, and like 17 comments on my last blog! Gives me a big stupid looking grin on my face. I can't tell you how much that has helped me.
Thank you for reading,